
Welcome to my online weight loss journal. I am on a program called Lean for Life. I started my journey on January 20, 2004 weighing over 363. I use this journal to post my successes, struggles, and trials . I hope that I motivate, inspire and encourage others in the process. I post once a week so come back and see how I am doing.
| The Dieter's Journaling Ring Ring Owner: April Michelle Site: The Dieter's Journaling Ring | ||||
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Goals: 1. 180/185 pounds or size 12/14 (whichever comes first) 2. Tone and shape my legs, thighs and arms
Personal Motivators: • I will be able to wear my size 12 dresses for the Black & White Affair Dec 06 and on the cruise in 2007. • I will have maintained control in what I eat and my exercise. • I will reach my size 12/14 with all my 16's too big. • I will continue to shop at any store. • I will be able to wear my swimsuit with no skirt no wrap.
• My thunder thighs will be gone. • Self sabotage will be a thing of the past.
ITS NOT EASY , I CAN TELL U ,BUT UR DOING QUITE WELL !!!
Just browsing the ring to see how everyone is doing. Keep up the good work girl, you are my inspiration!!
I'd love to weigh about 170! I'm right at 218 now and I need to get back on the ball, ya know?! Good luck to you!
http://pub33.bravenet.com/sitering/show.php?usernum=2786503725
I always get inspired to keep trying to lose the buldge every time I leave your site.
My decision to not "diet" or follow a particular plan is working for me. Watching what I eat, counting calories when I can, making better decisions daily and most important keeping my commitment to exercise is my new way of life. I believe I can live like this for the rest of my life. I am wearing clothes that I had to pack away. It's amazing that my body just wants to move. Well and for me to eat less. I found a site that I can track my calories. According to the site, my suggested caloric intake is 1900 calories no less than 1200. My daily average falls between 1250-1500.
The water aerobics/exercise is going great. I renewed my membership which means I am for another month at least. Paying for the month assures that I will go. I don't believe in wasting money. The aerobics classes are held Monday-Thursday. I go on Saturdays and do my own thing for at least an hour. Monday night the instructor is high energy and gives you a workout similar to the power aerobics out of the water. The other instructor who teaches the rest of the week pretty much plays in the water. I had to learn to intensify her workouts.
I had one moment of sadness. I went to the doctor and got on the scale. I told the nurse that I didn't want to see it. I wasn't ready. She placed the paper on the besk where we were sitting - in plain view. Not what I wanted to see, but hey I am on the right road. I am going to have the MRI to see exactly what is wrong with my knees. I am ready for them to stop hurting. The water exercise is helping but not correcting the problem.
Today I took myself to dinner. I ordered off the light menu at Dixie Cafe. Grilled cajun catfish, green beans, and a dinner salad. I asked for one roll instead of the basket that usually comes to the table. I also ordered a guilt free shake. From past experience, I knew that the serving size was more than I needed. Even though it's labeled guilt free, the serving size to me is not. I asked for the kid size which was 12 oz.
Day by day...step by step... I will make better choices for me and my life.
I bought a membership to the fitness center to show my commitment. I don't believe in wasting money so I thought this would be a good step forward. The water aerobics classes are Monday-Thursday. The instructor that had me hype was subbing and the regular one showed up on Wednesday. I felt like we were playing in the water. She even yawned at one point like she was bored.
Because of the other instructor I knew other movements to do. I semi-followed her and added more impact to the moves. I committed to at least four days. I didn't go on Thursday so I made the day up on Saturday.
I also decided to log all my food and that has made it easier to make better choices. I'm loaded up with yogurt and fruits for the week. I look forward to a good one.
Day by day...step by step... I will make better choices for me and my life. 

Well my last entry was August of 2007. This morning I spent some time looking back over my blog entries and comments left by friends and people who just happened to find themselves in my blog. Some made me laugh, some made me cry but all and all I am hanging on to my newfound hope.
Early last year I injured my knee and couldn't afford the MRI even with insurance. I couldn't exercise and let myself get depressed about it. I say let myself because there were options and if anyone knows that self pity gets you nowhere - it's ME. So why did I do it. I don't know. I could offer a hoard of excuses and that's exactly what they would be EXCUSES!
So instead I say this. I am still floundering around with my eating. Still a semi vegetarian. I haven't given up dairy products, but by not eating chicken, beef, and pork my body digestive system is in a much better state. I won't go into details, but anyone who has ever been on a high protein/low carb knows that there a certain risk of your system not working quite right without some extra fiber.
The hope I speak of....for Lent my coworker wanted to give up sugar (yes I have been eating sugar. I have slid so far I often wondered if I would ever snap out of it this time). I thought okay. If I can do this, I get myself back on track (any track would do right now). So after doing well the first two weeks, I decided that I can do this. I have been making small changes. Stocking up and taking my lunch to work. Saves money as well as calories.....
and finally the HOPE that has me
... after not exercising and wanting to for some time now (conveniently now that my knee is injured I want to exercise) I have found my saving grace - water aerobics. Someone told me that a local fitness center had a walk in area. With my knees I knew I couldn't get in and out the normal way. Never thought to ask around. I went yesterday thinking I would just get in and walk up and down the pool, do a little jogging and whatever else I could think of. As I was getting in, I saw a lady placing water weights by the poolside and asked if they had water aerobics. The class was starting shortly and the rest is history as they say. I stayed, joined in and got a great workout. I am committing to 3 times a week.
In the past I beat myself up trying to find some elusive number on the scale. I had people telling me I looked fine and shouldn't lose anymore. I can't say what was my downfall, but I do remember being frustrated that the number on the scale would not go down and I began to feel like a failure. Can you believe that. I couldn't see past the number on the scale. Progress pictures staring me in the face and I couldn't see it. Well I am not going that route this time. Not saying I won't weigh, but it will not be my main focus in life.
Day by day, step by step.. I will make better choices for me and my life.

I am still among the living and still very much in the struggle. Many things have been going on in my life and I am striving hard to maintain it all. One of the biggest things I have going on right now is my decision to become a vegetarian and one day possibly a vegan. It's a far cry from the low-carb lifestyle I have been on. Eating meat with every meal and sometimes as a meal itself is what my plan has been. There are many sources of protein in the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle. I just need to acclimate myself to them. Milk has never been a favorite of mine – it never agreed with me. I have tried soy milk and I have heard that it’s an acquired taste. That’s definitely true and I don’t know if I can do it. Morning Star Meal Starters have been my number one source of protein so far and there are many things you can do with them. I am still in the research and experimenting stage. I have been experimenting with this for a couple of months. After the first couple of weeks I could definitely tell the difference in my digestive system. In January of 2006 when I found myself having complications from my past hernia and blockage surgeries, I realized I could no longer have protein days. Eating green veggies with the protein servings helped. Eating less meat made me realized maybe my system would prefer not to have it at all. So I am striving to eat none at all. If anyone has any advice, suggestions or comments on the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle, please feel free to contact me.
Now that things have settled down and my life has a modicum of peace, I am ready to get back in the life and get to moving. My life has no routine these days and that’s where I am looking to begin. Get a routine/plan – for exercise and eating. I remember when I first started with exercise. I walked in place while I watched TV. Back then that was all I could do. Now even though I’m not as big as I was then that’s all the motivation I have right now. So if all I can make myself do is march in place then that’s where I will start.
I’m back and need all the support I can get. 


I posted this entry on my 360 blog. Thought it would work here too.
I am never giving up this time. I continue to think back from where I am, where I was and where I went wrong before. I see the old patterns, but I recognize them this time. Some days are better than other, but I am thankful for everyday. There was a Hallmark commercial on the radio this morning. It was advertising a new line of cards, Journeys - new cards with real words for real life. Now I sound like I am endorsing them. They were giving samples are the cards and one spoke to me. I can't remember the exact words, but it was something like - "today being a mountain that you are strong enough to climb or ready to climb". Anyway I remember looking at their site and reading this one"Don't give up...you're not alone. Don't stop believing...so many people care. Don't ever forget how strong you really are….how very precious you are to God." Those words are me for me as well as anyone else that stumbles here and reads those words.


In January, my pastor did a series on Spiritual Warfare. One of the things he talked about was that the struggles of this world are ever present and relentless. We must be persistent to overcome and not fall into the traps set before us. One of the main goals of satan is to steal our testimonies. I will not give mine up.
When I first started on this journey, I went through some mental exercises. I knew if I didn't have my head together I would not be able to do this. I took baby steps with my exercise and my eating. I wanted to give up sugar and I knew I could not do it overnight. That's where I am today. Taking baby steps. Taking some time to evaluate things. I have a 360 blog and I have been chatting with some people that are members of AA or NA about addictions. I am really examining my relationship with food. I read this somewhere and it really boils down to this simple statement - "if hunger is not the problem, then food is not the solution." Nail biting is not the solution either. I looked at my fingers one day and wanted to cry. After over a year of growing my nails, I now have none. The nail biting was a big eye opener. I know that has always been a nervous habit for me. When things are going on inside and I am not dealing with them as I should, I bite my nails. So I have started over. I am not really thinking about a weight loss right now. I am still eating pretty much like I have been - grilling meats, eating fruits and veggies. My nut fast is still holding. I am still weighing everyday. I just can't get the scale to get back under 200 right now. Not until I get back in full gear with exercise will I be able to do that and stay there this time.
There are things that give me hope. Things like I have adhered to my no sugar for three years now, my nut fast is still holding, I am still weighing everyday, even my fight with the exercise. I think back to 1999 when I lost the weight before and I gained it all back. There was no struggle with exercise. I quit and never looked back. Even with the food, I started eating whatever I wanted with no thought to my weight. It's been 3 years and almost 1 month since I started my weight loss journey and change of WOL/WOE. There will always be stumbling blocks and I will never be perfect in this or anything in my life for that matter, but by the grace of God, I'm stronger now!!!
I posted this in another journal and I am sharing it here too.
Kirk Franklin has a collection of songs called Songs for the Storm. Most of the songs have been previously released, but one song is new and one of the most inspirational songs I have heard in a long time. "Look at Me Now" has become yet another one of my life's theme songs. If I thought we could praise dance to this song without falling out, I would love to do this song. It's a very fast beat song and has become my wake up song for the day. There is one line that says "Tired of runnin', tired of hurtin', even got tired of me ". The "even got tired of me" says it all. I get in my way more than anything and yes I have gotten tired of myself on occasion. Then it says " How can I complain 'bout the pain I went through cause it grew me". WOW! I have been through many things in my life and yes all things work for my good. Those things have shaped me into the person I am today - "I'm stronger now! I'm patient now! I'm grateful now!". I could pick apart each verse and every word, but why don't I just share the lyrics.
Look at Me Now!!

Depends on the day you askAfter all my many questions, I have come to some resolutions. Someone asked me to imagine going through a day confident and not worrying about my weight - gaining or losing. And I thought I don’t know if I can do that. It seems too much like the way I lived when I was in denial. I don’t know if I can forget about my weight just one day. I know the difference between now and then would be I am making healthy choices and exercising vs eating without thought and not exercising. I wonder if I can just make good choices and exercise regularly and not obsess about my weight one way or the other. I don’t know if I can do that, but that’s how I would like to live. My weight has always been an issue whether real or imagined for me and my family. Now that I not longer let my family determine how I feel about my body and I really feel good about myself, it maybe time to just enjoy without the pressure of trying to lose.
Before the New Year I wanted to have a clear understanding of what I want out of my weight loss journey. I've always said this is my personal journey - one I can't let become about anyone other than me. I can change my mind any time I want. It's my prerogative as a woman. I think that's how the saying goes. What I should probably say is that I am free to re-evaluate my goals at any time. So for now I have decided to get back to at least 190 and then try the maintenance phase for awhile. I'm going to see if I can't live without stressing over weight losing or gaining. The exercise is going to be the key for me.
Since my first step is to get back to 190, I decided to start a new round and give it an honest - this is a new year new chance start. That was last week and I am here to report in. I am also going to try to get back to posting here once a week. It really helps with my focus. I am going to need that more than anything when I start my maintenance phase. I had a good week. The weekend was a bit off, but I didn’t let it throw me. Exercise 5 out of 7 days with activity everday. I have decided not to count my dance ministry practice as exercise. Now I am ready to see if I can do better this week.
I could not bring myself to actually type my weight last week, but I did weigh in (that's something I haven't let go of and I bought a new scale). Let’s just say I am down 9 pounds this week and I still 11 pounds from Onederland. It's amazing how I can gain from no exercise. Many people over the holidays were complaining about the weight they gained from all the food they ate. I didn't eat all that food and yet I still gained from basically no exercise after the first week of December. I have ZERO metabolism.
I really think it's unfair, but who said life was fair? We deal with the hand we are dealt. Oh my! That reminds me of the women's conference.
I did this exercise with one of my message boards and thought I would post these here. I only listed the ones that are weight loss related.
Some things I learned in 2006......

Right now I am struggling with wanting to be a size my body doesn't necessarily want. I am smaller than I was in high school. Should that be enough? For me to lose and maintain anything in the 180's, I have to exercise 5-6 days a week and watch everything that goes into my mouth. Is that something I want to do for the rest of my life?
I have come a long way and I can say I look good.
ETA:
For me to get into the 180's (my goal), I must weigh and measure everything I eat to the exact portion and exercise 5/6 days a week with workouts of more than 30 minutes. I don't have high metabolism never have. It takes more effort - mentally and physically - for me to get and stay in the 180's. Right now I don't know if I have that. I guess that's where all the questions are coming from. Am I considering changing my goals again because I don't want to push forward, go the extra mile? Am I afraid I can't do it? I can maintain a weight between 199-203 with 3/4 days of exercise 30 minutes and eating right. I am happy there. Is there something wrong with me for that? Am I pushing too hard to fit those weight charts that I know are not meant for me? Am I settling? Or I am being realistic? If I can't be sure of what I want, how can I achieve it? 

I went to the store yesterday and passed over the the can of cashews on sale for $2. The next aisle had my sf ice cream on sale for $2 and I wanted to
. I am working my way back to plan the first step is no more sf ice cream and cans of cashews. Once I get that stuff out of my system I will be ready to get back to LFL.
.
I am not posting weights right now. Not because I don't want to, but my scale has chosen to die on me. I just replaced the battery and it worked for a few weeks now it's not working again. At first I was freaking out - I thought I really need to see my weight in the mornings. I've decided it's a good thing. When I first started I did not have a scale. This forces me not to focus so much on my weight, but on getting myself back in gear doing the right things. I'm trying to see the positive in my $50 scale dying on me after 2 years. ![]()
Many of my wl friends are struggling with the same thing that I am dealing with. Our drive is not as strong as it once was. I have been fighting that spirit of complacency for a long time. For me starting at over 363 lbs and hurting everyday, I had more motivation to lose the weight. I had to learn to stop beating myself up over my inability to have that drive I had then. Right now I am working on my new motivation. The new motivators I posted was a start, but I don't read over those daily and maybe I should. I have been thinking of printing them on a 4X6 card and framing them for my room and desk. I know personally what happens if I quit out right and go back to my old ways. Not an option
. So everyday I look at my heavier pictures and remind myself of what I don’t want until I am firm in what I do want. For now it’s a matter of this
vs. that
for me.


Don't ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet. - unknown
