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Ronnie: Just checking in to see how you are doing and to get inspired. God Bless.
SHAKIRA: WOOOOW , UR DOING GRRR8 AT LOSING ALL THAT KILOS. I AM TRYING SO HARD BUT ITS NOT EASY , I CAN TELL U ,BUT UR DOING QUITE WELL !!!
Bree: Wow! Looks like you are doing a great job with dieting! I'm just passing by. Nice journal!
Staci: I'm Back & have a New post....
Theresa: Thanks for visiting my web site. you are a great inspiration to all of us dieters. Thanks for being so faithful to your journal.
rachel: Thanx for dropping by!!! It good to read that you're hanging in there! I need the motivation!!
Staci: Hey Girl, I have a new post and will be back to posting regularly again soon. Your still my Hero!!!
April: Hey girl, just stopped in to say hi! You're doing great! TTYL
Trysta: What a great Journal ~ you are truly an inspiration! Take care :)
Connie: Not only finding your posts motivating, but am finding intersting links here as well. I hope you have a great weekend!
sara: lovely blog
ny_shelly: Hi Star - just wanting to see how you are doing this week. I hope you will post soon! Hugs!
April: Hey girl, you're doing great!! The exercise will take care of the couple of pounds. Have a great day!!
krazyfrazzledmom: Just wanted to stop in and say hi and see how your doing! Woo Hoo on the 4 pounds lost!!! Your pictures are amazing!!! You are truly an inspiration to me!!
April: Wow girl, I like that new pic at the top of your journal!! That's so cool...you're actually HALF the size you used to be!!! Awesome!!!
Angie: Hi, just blog hopping, thought I'd stop by and say HELLO. Hope you're having a good day ~ Love Angie
Anonymous: Wishing you a happy Easter!!!
Staci: Hey Girl, i was wanting to see that movie guess I'll save my 6 bucks and wait for it to come on ppv. I'm glad your getting back on track. Hope you start feeling better soon. I'll check back with you next week.
pj: Hello, Its been a long while sence I have checkedin on you. I admire your strength!! Im trying to lose you already know also. Im at a pause. i still work out 5-6 times a week and not gaining but I ca not seem to get back to the eat well again Some times I wonder if ican get my ump back to eat well again. Ill have to come back more often to get encouraged.
Rachel: Hi there!
LaVonda: Hi!! Just browsing the ring to see how everyone is doing. Keep up the good work girl, you are my inspiration!!
ny_shelly: Hi C, I hope you are doing better this week. Look forward to reading your journal tomorrow.
Staci: I left you a momment on the comment you left me in my journal. I'm SOOO Glad your BACK!!!
April: You're welcome. I'm glad I started to dieting ring too. It helps ALL of us with motivation and it gives us someone other than ourselves to feel accountable for....good way to keep on track (or in my case, to at least keep trying).
MrsDawsibdb: Hey girl It's great to see you are still going and not giving up no matter what comes your way. Keep up the great work girlie you'll get goal in no time :D
April: Happy St. Patty's Day!!
Staci: Happy St. Pattys Day. I keep checkin back to see your newest post, but haven't seen one yet. I'll keep lookin for it...Ciao Girl
secret: CONGRATULATIONS!!! Sounds like your hard work is paying off.
Staci: Hey Girl, what's up? Can't wait for your new post to come out. I know you only write once a week, but its still exciting to see someone finally win the weight battle. Keep up the Great Job!!! Happy Fat Tuesday.
P.J.: WOW!!!!! Great for you! Peolple just do not know that this is a full time job to get these goals. I am so excited for you. I have not been here for sometime, and I see ihave missed out on learning. I am still working on going down but have gotten a little out of foucus , I know I should come here you always enourage just watching you learn how. Thanks!!
Tina: Stopping in to see how you are doing! WOW!! you are doing GREAT!!!! Keep it up!
Staci: WOW! Girl you are doing great! I know what ya mean with the can't eat just one thing. So, I have started to put my snacks like rice cakes and chips into baggies. That way when they are done so is my snack.
Rachel: I am SO excited for you! You go girl! I love to see people achieving thier goals, especially with weight loss, cause it just so darn hard!!! I'd love to weigh about 170! I'm right at 218 now and I need to get back on the ball, ya know?! Good luck to you!
Nickie: Thanks for stopping by!!!! I'm all excited for you being so close to your next goal - what do ya think, couple more weeks and you're there!!!
secret: Your before and after pictures are amazing.
Theresa: Wtg....you are an inspiration to all of us dieters. Proof that if we hang in there, it will come off. My mom always says, you did not put it on overnight, so what makes you think you can lose it all over night. What a wise woman she is.
Amandaclaire: WOW YOU GO GIRL!!!!! You really give hope
April: I'd like to invite you to join my new Dieter's Journaling Ring on Bravenet!! Come on over and check it out!!! http://pub33.bravenet.com/sitering/show.php?usernum=2786503725
Tina: I saw where it said you had been in the hospital what happened? Hope you are feeling better!
PJ: hi, Thanks so much for the kind compliment. I am so glad you enjoy what the Lord puts in me. So please return to my site or get in my profile get my email address and please do share your healing!! I always get inspired to keep trying to lose the buldge every time I leave your site.
ny_shelly: Hi star - hey I haven't been on here long but it seems like you're pretty consistent postng. I hope you are ok.
Anna: You are so inspiring! I'm not as far along on my journey, but I've subscribed to your journal for motivation!
ny_shelly: Hi Star - you are a wonderful inspiration. I am where you were 2 years ago. Please see my new journal. I never did a journal but I think it will help if I can get some support friends like you have. Thanks.
ronnie: You are such an inspiration to me. Taebo will get easier as you become more comfortable with the pace. stick with it, it does wonders for plateaus.
P.J.: Sorry to hear the angish you are going through! I wanted to start taebo with the bands, but Iam a chicken, my daughter done them at school and she said they were hard, have you done those? there is so much to choose from I dont know what to do.
Corina: You seem very motivated! Good for you! You're doing a wonderful Job!!! 2006 will be the year that you meet your goal!!!!! Go 4 it!!!
Tina: Hey just found the time to stop by and say hello. Hope this post finds you well! I started over with my diet and have lost 4.5 lbs since 12/21. Just wanted to update.
Lisa: Wow, you've done a fantastic job! Keep your eye on the prize, but remember to feel good about yourself NOW! That's the key!
pj: Hi, Sowy I havent drop by for some time, I have been thinking about you alot though. I think It is been hard foe me this last few weeks, I only lost 4 lbs and lost 2.75 inchs , which is great dont get me wrong but boy after dropping 11 lbs and 4 inchs in comparrson it stinks. i actually thought I was gaining just by the way I was feeling. Iam so glad that you are feelihg good at who you r right now!! thats more importanat than what you actually weigh, so Congrads on that!!! I will be back real
Nickie: All I can say is "Wow". You're sooooo inspiring!
rEdNeCkhOnEy: I agree with Amanda! You have shared alot of great tips. I work out 3 days a week now, but I could work out a few more! Keep up the great job, you look great!

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Thursday, August 9th 2007

8:58 AM

Where to Begin

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I am still among the living and still very much in the struggle. Many things have been going on in my life and I am striving hard to maintain it all. One of the biggest things I have going on right now is my decision to become a vegetarian and one day possibly a vegan. It's a far cry from the low-carb lifestyle I have been on. Eating meat with every meal and sometimes as a meal itself is what my plan has been. There are many sources of protein in the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle. I just need to acclimate myself to them. Milk has never been a favorite of mine – it never agreed with me. I have tried soy milk and I have heard that it’s an acquired taste. That’s definitely true and I don’t know if I can do it. Morning Star Meal Starters have been my number one source of protein so far and there are many things you can do with them. I am still in the research and experimenting stage. I have been experimenting with this for a couple of months. After the first couple of weeks I could definitely tell the difference in my digestive system. In January of 2006 when I found myself having complications from my past hernia and blockage surgeries, I realized I could no longer have protein days. Eating green veggies with the protein servings helped. Eating less meat made me realized maybe my system would prefer not to have it at all. So I am striving to eat none at all. If anyone has any advice, suggestions or comments on the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle, please feel free to contact me.

 I’ve been blessed to become a new homeowner. The home buying process was definitely a process and it took a toll on me. During the time I was looking for a home, my current landlord took the air units from the duplex I was living in. He said the unit was not in working order. Not sure if I believe that, but the point is during some of the most humid and hot days of the year my children and I were stuck living in a place with no air and no ventilation – most of the windows would not let up. Talk about hot. A fan in every room and it was like stirring hot air around. Needless to say exercise in the house was out of the question. I did some walking in the evenings with a friend, but not enough to make a difference.

Now that things have settled down and my life has a modicum of peace, I am ready to get back in the life and get to moving. My life has no routine these days and that’s where I am looking to begin. Get a routine/plan – for exercise and eating. I remember when I first started with exercise. I walked in place while I watched TV. Back then that was all I could do. Now even though I’m not as big as I was then that’s all the motivation I have right now. So if all I can make myself do is march in place then that’s where I will start.

 

I’m back and need all the support I can get.

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Wednesday, February 28th 2007

10:41 AM

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I posted this entry on my 360 blog. Thought it would work here too.

Anonymous Groups

I am never giving up this time. I continue to think back from where I am, where I was and where I went wrong before. I see the old patterns, but I recognize them this time. Some days are better than other, but I am thankful for everyday. There was a Hallmark commercial on the radio this morning. It was advertising a new line of cards, Journeys - new cards with real words for real life. Now I sound like I am endorsing them. They were giving samples are the cards and one spoke to me. I can't remember the exact words, but it was something like - "today being a mountain that you are strong enough to climb or ready to climb". Anyway I remember looking at their site and reading this one"Don't give up...you're not alone. Don't stop believing...so many people care. Don't ever forget how strong you really are….how very precious you are to God." Those words are me for me as well as anyone else that stumbles here and reads those words.

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Wednesday, February 14th 2007

8:43 AM

Working on Getting "Me" Out of My Way

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In January, my pastor did a series on Spiritual Warfare. One of the things he talked about was that the struggles of this world are ever present and relentless. We must be persistent to overcome and not fall into the traps set before us. One of the main goals of satan is to steal our testimonies. I will not give mine up.

When I first started on this journey, I went through some mental exercises. I knew if I didn't have my head together I would not be able to do this. I took baby steps with my exercise and my eating. I wanted to give up sugar and I knew I could not do it overnight. That's where I am today. Taking baby steps. Taking some time to evaluate things. I have a 360 blog and I have been chatting with some people that are members of AA or NA about addictions. I am really examining my relationship with food. I read this somewhere and it really boils down to this simple statement - "if hunger is not the problem, then food is not the solution." Nail biting is not the solution either. I looked at my fingers one day and wanted to cry. After over a year of growing my nails, I now have none. The nail biting was a big eye opener. I know that has always been a nervous habit for me. When things are going on inside and I am not dealing with them as I should, I bite my nails. So I have started over. I am not really thinking about a weight loss right now. I am still eating pretty much like I have been - grilling meats, eating fruits and veggies. My nut fast is still holding. I am still weighing everyday. I just can't get the scale to get back under 200 right now. Not until I get back in full gear with exercise will I be able to do that and stay there this time.

There are things that give me hope. Things like I have adhered to my no sugar for three years now, my nut fast is still holding, I am still weighing everyday, even my fight with the exercise. I think back to 1999 when I lost the weight before and I gained it all back. There was no struggle with exercise. I quit and never looked back. Even with the food, I started eating whatever I wanted with no thought to my weight. It's been 3 years and almost 1 month since I started my weight loss journey and change of WOL/WOE. There will always be stumbling blocks and I will never be perfect in this or anything in my life for that matter, but by the grace of God, I'm stronger now!!!

I posted this in another journal and I am sharing it here too.

Kirk Franklin has a collection of songs called Songs for the Storm. Most of the songs have been previously released, but one song is new and one of the most inspirational songs I have heard in a long time. "Look at Me Now" has become yet another one of my life's theme songs. If I thought we could praise dance to this song without falling out, I would love to do this song. It's a very fast beat song and has become my wake up song for the day. There is one line that says "Tired of runnin', tired of hurtin', even got tired of me ". The "even got tired of me" says it all.  I get in my way more than anything and yes I have gotten tired of myself on occasion. Then it says " How can I complain 'bout the pain I went through cause it grew me". WOW! I have been through many things in my life and yes all things work for my good. Those things have shaped me into the person I am today - "I'm stronger now! I'm patient now! I'm grateful now!". I could pick apart each verse and every word, but why don't I just share the lyrics.

Look at Me Now!!

  • Persecuted, criticized, been denied and abandoned
  • Pushed away, given away, some days I couldn't imagine
  • Getting harder, getting colder, was hard for me to see
  • Tired of runnin', tired of hurtin', even got tired of me
  • Tired of cryin', tired of tryin' to forget my mistakes
  • Tired of bein' in this storm, how much more can I take
  • Many nights in my life, tell me why
  • I shed more tears, my eyes would allow
  • And after all that
  •  
  • Look at me now!
  • I'm stronger this time around!
  • Not because I was so good, but somehow
  • You looked past where I was
  • And you knew I'd come through cause You loved me
  • Look at me know!
  • So many didn't make it through
  • That's why this heart belongs to only You!
  • How can I complain 'bout the pain I went through
  • Cause it grew me
  • Look at me now!
  • Had no hope, had no future, even too hard to dream
  • No one told me, ?boy, you can be whatever you want to be?
  • Then You saved me and You gave me reason to breathe again
  • Not perfect, ya'll, but I'm gon' run 'til I make it to the end
  • (It ain't easy when your life's filled with wounds that won't heal)
  • And you fight through the lies trying to find what's for real
  • Everyone wants the prize but they can't stand the pain
  • The strength I needed it came that night I cried out Your name
  • To my people in the struggle, all my soldiers and believers
  • To my survivors of Rita, Katrina and even FEMA
  • (All things are working together for our good)
  • Look at me now!
  • I'm stronger this time around!
  • Not because I was so good, but somehow
  • You looked past where I was
  • And you knew I'd come through cause You loved me
  • Look at me know!
  • So many didn't make it through
  • That's why this heart belongs to only You!
  • How can I complain 'bout the pain I went through
  • Cause it grew me
  • Look at me now!
  • Yes, I've seen some hard times
  • Some bad choices that I've made fell back on me
  • But now it's time to move on, move on
  • Can't let my past hold down my destiny
  • And even though I don't always know
  • Why you allow the night to last so long
  • But when I see the sunlight
  • It was only to make me strong
  • Look at me...
  • Look at me...
  • Look at me...
  • Look at me, look at me
  • I'm better now! I'm closer now!
  • I'm thankful now! I'm happy now!
  • Look at me! Look at me!
  • I'm stronger now! I'm patient now!
  • I'm grateful now! I'll praise you now!
  • Look at me! Look at me!
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Tuesday, January 9th 2007

9:42 AM

Reflecting Back and Moving Forward

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  • Pounds to Goal: Depends on the day you ask

After all my many questions, I have come to some resolutions. Someone asked me to imagine going through a day confident and not worrying about my weight - gaining or losing. And I thought I don’t know if I can do that. It seems too much like the way I lived when I was in denial. I don’t know if I can forget about my weight just one day. I know the difference between now and then would be I am making healthy choices and exercising vs eating without thought and not exercising. I wonder if I can just make good choices and exercise regularly and not obsess about my weight one way or the other. I don’t know if I can do that, but that’s how I would like to live. My weight has always been an issue whether real or imagined for me and my family. Now that I not longer let my family determine how I feel about my body and I really feel good about myself, it maybe time to just enjoy without the pressure of trying to lose.

Before the New Year I wanted to have a clear understanding of what I want out of my weight loss journey. I've always said this is my personal journey - one I can't let become about anyone other than me. I can change my mind any time I want. It's my prerogative as a woman. I think that's how the saying goes. What I should probably say is that I am free to re-evaluate my goals at any time. So for now I have decided to get back to at least 190 and then try the maintenance phase for awhile. I'm going to see if I can't live without stressing over weight losing or gaining. The exercise is going to be the key for me.

Since my first step is to get back to 190, I decided to start a new round and give it an honest - this is a new year new chance start. That was last week and I am here to report in. I am also going to try to get back to posting here once a week. It really helps with my focus. I am going to need that more than anything when I start my maintenance phase. I had a good week. The weekend was a bit off, but I didn’t let it throw me. Exercise 5 out of 7 days with activity everday. I have decided not to count my dance ministry practice as exercise. Now I am ready to see if I can do better this week.

I could not bring myself to actually type my weight last week, but I did weigh in (that's something I haven't let go of and I bought a new scale). Let’s just say I am down 9 pounds this week and I still 11 pounds from Onederland. It's amazing how I can gain from no exercise. Many people over the holidays were complaining about the weight they gained from all the food they ate. I didn't eat all that food and yet I still gained from basically no exercise after the first week of December. I have ZERO metabolism. I really think it's unfair, but who said life was fair? We deal with the hand we are dealt. Oh my! That reminds me of the women's conference.  

I did this exercise with one of my message boards and thought I would post these here. I only listed the ones that are weight loss related.

Some things I learned in 2006......

  • I have learned to enjoy my achievements without beating myself up over my failures.
  • I’m never too old to learn and I can learn from anyone of any age.
  • Bingeing/overeating on nuts is just as bad as any sugar filled food. Overeating is overeating.
  • It’s okay to talk to myself and even answer when the situation calls for such action. Being honest with myself is the only way to make it.
  • I can’t control every situation, but I can always control how I react to the situation.
  • Coming from parents who are addicts, I used to pride myself on not every using drugs or abusing alcohol until I realized that how much I abused food in my lifetime.
  • I like doing things for others, but I won’t let people take advantage of me.
  • Something that I knew, but have tested these past few months - my body needs exercise to lose and maintain. I can not slack on the exercise.
  • I can’t make a decision based upon how others will view me – too many people with too many views.
  • I have also learned I cannot afford to beat myself up for someone else's inadequacies. Those are on them...not me.
  • I've even learned that I can’t beat myself up for my own inadequacies. I either accept them or work on them, but beating myself up over them gets me nowhere.
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Thursday, December 28th 2006

10:59 AM

Questions? Questions? and More Questions?

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Right now I am struggling with wanting to be a size my body doesn't necessarily want. I am smaller than I was in high school. Should that be enough? For me to lose and maintain anything in the 180's, I have to exercise 5-6 days a week and watch everything that goes into my mouth. Is that something I want to do for the rest of my life?  I have come a long way and I can say I look good.   I know there is no "normal" way, but I guess I have to decide what I want to be normal for me. Those are the kinds of questions I am asking myself as I go into the New Year. What do I want for me? Not for anyone else but me. I'm trying to take the fact that I have said this is my goal or that is my goal. I'm trying to take out the fact that I don’t want to disappoint others with my decision. Trying to decide if I am rationalizing again? Is this complacency talking? Is this fear of not achieving my goal talking?

So many questions, but I don’t have answers right now. Until I can honestly answer those questions, I am going to continue on. I have been working on getting the nuts out of my system. I am still nut free. I was working on my exercise, but I didn't get it back to the level I wanted. . I have given myself until next Tuesday to get back in gear. I will give Lean for Life another round complete with exercise.   

ETA:

 It’s the weighing and measuring everything that I eat that gets me sometimes -that what I mean when I say watch everything to goes into my mouth.  I have undergone a lifestyle change – with a new WOL. I don't have the problem of eating sweets like some people. I said from the beginning that I wouldn't and that's the one thing I have stuck to. Now I have my problems with nuts and tried many times to combat it. I thought I should be able to eat them periodically in my WOL, but I can't maintain portion control. I accept that for now. Maybe I will try again later.


For me to get into the 180's (my goal), I must weigh and measure everything I eat to the exact portion and exercise 5/6 days a week with workouts of more than 30 minutes. I don't have high metabolism never have. It takes more effort - mentally and physically - for me to get and stay in the 180's. Right now I don't know if I have that. I guess that's where all the questions are coming from. Am I considering changing my goals again because I don't want to push forward, go the extra mile? Am I afraid I can't do it? I can maintain a weight between 199-203 with 3/4 days of exercise 30 minutes and eating right. I am happy there. Is there something wrong with me for that? Am I pushing too hard to fit those weight charts that I know are not meant for me? Am I settling? Or I am being realistic? If I can't be sure of what I want, how can I achieve it?

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Wednesday, December 6th 2006

7:07 AM

Give me a cookie?!

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I went to the store yesterday and passed over the the can of cashews on sale for $2. The next aisle had my sf ice cream on sale for $2 and I wanted to . I am working my way back to plan the first step is no more sf ice cream and cans of cashews. Once I get that stuff out of my system I will be ready to get back to LFL. 

You know the saying? You deserve a cookie for your accomplishments. Well I deserve a cookie or something. Right? I don't believe in the food rewards so give me a  .

 The other part of my step by step plan is to get my exercise in order. It's coming along. 4 days last week of various workouts and so far this week I am moving - 30 gazelle minutes last night and 15 this morning. I will continue to exercise morning or night as long as I get it done.

I am not posting weights right now. Not because I don't want to, but my scale has chosen to die on me. I just replaced the battery and it worked for a few weeks now it's not working again. At first I was freaking out - I thought I really need to see my weight in the mornings.  I've decided it's a good thing. When I first started I did not have a scale. This forces me not to focus so much on my weight, but on getting myself back in gear doing the right things. I'm trying to see the positive in my $50 scale dying on me after 2 years.

Many of my wl friends are struggling with the same thing that I am dealing with. Our drive is not as strong as it once was. I have been fighting that spirit of complacency for a long time. For me starting at over 363 lbs and hurting everyday, I had more motivation to lose the weight. I had to learn to stop beating myself up over my inability to have that drive I had then. Right now I am working on my new motivation. The new motivators I posted was a start, but I don't read over those daily and maybe I should. I have been thinking of printing them on a 4X6 card and framing them for my room and desk. I know personally what happens if I quit out right and go back to my old ways. Not an option. So everyday I look at my heavier pictures and remind myself of what I don’t want until I am firm in what I do want. For now it’s a matter of this image vs. that imagefor me.

 My pastor keeps preaching on breakthrough and the messages have been for me. Strongholds are things that we are holding onto and not things that have a hold of us. Three simple words - LET IT GO! It's funny how I have become so determined not to eat sugar because I recognize that as a stronghold that I don't want in my life. Why can't I recognize and let go the other things that are hindering me? Like that spirit of complacency? That spirit of avoidance? The spirit of rationalization? I need to use the same mentality that I have so ingrained in my brain concerning sugar. It's a process and I will get there.

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Thursday, November 30th 2006

12:45 PM

A Confession for My Breakthrough

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Don't ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet. - unknown

 I am starting with that quote because it fits into my entry today. As some of my regular visitors may know, I have been struggling lately. If I am honest, it has been a little terrifying for me. I was talking to a couple of friends last night. We talked about getting in the groove of exercise. I have enlisted one as an exercise buddy of sorts. We will keep each other in check and give each other some accountability. Here's where the quote comes in. I told her how I have been praying for my exercise to get back like it once was in the beginning. I'm not looking to push myself 6 days a week 60 minutes at a time. I just want 4-5 days of week. I can't seem to get it. I am an early riser these days - 5:30 with no need for an alarm. Since I have started praying for my exercise, I have been getting up between 3-4 am. I hear a voice saying "get up and exercise". Many times I have turned over and refused to get up. This week I was up at 2 am - "get up and exercise". I started feeling like a rebellious child. In a way I think I was. I'd say, “Thank You Lord for waking this morning. Thank You Lord for blessing me with this day", but I still would not get up. My pastor spoke on Getting Your Breakthrough last night for bible study. One of the many things that stood out for me and I said it to myself over and over after writing it a few times in my note book: "I am not going backwards - I am going forward!” He talked about making a daily confession(declaration). The right kind of confession. Speaking the positives in your life. This morning I was awaken at 4 and did not fight this time. I got up did my devotion, wrote my confession statement, followed that with a 3 mile WATP abs workout. Here is my confession that I wrote:

 Today Lord I thank you for keeping a sinner such as me. Today Lord I confess I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Today I say I will go forward and not backwards through you Lord. I am going forward not backwards. You have delivered me from the weight and Lord I trust you to deliver me from the underlying problem - the one that causes me to go backwards. I may have had an ulterior motive for attending the Associates Minister's revival, but Lord You had a greater one. You had a word for me, Lord each and every night. The devil can't stop my praise one of them said. He will not hinder me from my blessing. Lord I thank You for blessing me, for saving me for giving me an opportunity to worship and serve you. Help me to use my bones effectively. I have what I say and today I say I have the power through Christ to overcome. The power is within me already. It's up to me to use it. The agony of victory from Hebrews 12:1. I will continue to run my race as a marathon not a sprint. I have taken detours, but Lord I have the strength through you to make it. There is no depth to low for you to pull me up. I will run my race and finish with faith relying on Christ. Endeavor daily to die of self because relying on me gets me nowhere but in trouble. I will be like the woman with the 12 year issue of blood. I will push past my discouragements, denials, distractions, and disappointments. I will press my way through the crowd of things that are in my way including and foremost - ME! Lord I thank You for continually nudging me until I moved. I will continue to ask you to guide my steps and I will move my feet where you lead. I won't be blind to my blessings. I will keep my vision and not rely on my sight for my vision is beyond what I can see. I have gotten this far through You and I need you everyday every step of the way. That is my reminder to myself for I know You are always with me. I don't want to abandon my witness and destroy my testimony. I will press on for my breakthrough. To God be the glory! Amen.

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Tuesday, November 7th 2006

8:07 AM

The Weigh It Is

  • Mood:
  • Weight: 199

The last thing I need to do to complete my moment of truth is post my weights -the  and the . One reassuring thing during my "lost" moment is that I continued to daily weigh except when I was away from the scale and almost a full week when my scale's battery went out on me. I have updated my weigh in page. One of the things that helped me snap back to myself is that after continually weighing between 200-203, the scale climbed to 211 last week. It was a truly moment. Now after getting back on plan the weight immediately came off. I went from 211 to 206 the next day and then 201.6 the second day back on plan. By weigh in day I was back to 199 and Onederland. I never want to leave that Onederland again. Not really sure how real the 211 was, but it was real enough to give me that extraI needed.

I ended with only 3 of the 4/5 days of exercise this week. I got sick on Saturday and stayed in bed for two days. I admit I felt better exercising and will do better this week. With one week under my belt, I am feeling good about being back on plan. I think I've got my life more organized too. I had many things change and new things come about and I just lost it for awhile. A lesson learned for sure.

When I say I need to be able to do this without my online friends, I am not giving up on them and I surely don't want them to give up on me. They are my part of my support group and I will always need that, but when I can't get online I need to have my own strength. I especially value those I have formed an off-line friendship with. To be able to speak via phone and even text message is invaluable to me since I have limited online access.

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Thursday, November 2nd 2006

1:05 PM

A Moment of Truth

  • Mood:

I am not sure where to start, but here goes. I have been away first from the computer due to being extremely busy at work then from myself because I seem to have lost my mind for a moment. My weekly blog has suffered. Its time to update. Time to move on and forward again. Have you ever had to talk to yourself? I mean really talk to yourself? Well that's what I found myself doing one day as I was driving. I said things such as "I am not going back to the other body – not going to happen”, “I will fight you on this – I’m not giving up this time”, "the things you are doing to yourself are not acceptable", "I'm tired of your rationalizing if you say one more time at least I am not eating sugar I will scream”, “As if chips are part of your healthy WOL", "you have worked too hard to lose it now", "I love you and I'm not going to let you do this". Call me crazy, but I have had to say some things to myself that others won't say. I've been hearing, “It won’t kill you to eat ________”, “You deserve a break”. A break from what? My lifestyle change? Well a break would mean changing my lifestyle.

 I called this entry "A Moment of Truth" because I have faced more than one moment in the past couple of months. Maybe I should change that to "moments of truths". First, my exercise is suffering - seriously suffering. My boss asked me today "what happened?" and honestly I don't know. It started with one day I was too tired. The next I was too busy and day after that I wasn't feeling well. Too many of those days added up and the exercise habit I worked hard to create was gone. I have made a decision. No more 1,000 minutes of month challenges. I feel like I am starting back at the very beginning and so that's where I decided to start. My goal is: at least 30 minutes at least 4/5 days a week. No excuses - NONE!  Anytime my exercise suffers for a period of time my eating becomes lax. I can't seem to do one without the other. It seems it's all or nothing for me and I can't accept nothing.

 I am still struggling with taking my vitamins everyday to get my iron level back up. If I refuse to take the iron pills then I need to at least take my vitamins. Someone needs to slap me around. This is serious and I know this. My energy level is suffering interfering with my exercise. After talking it over with a friend, I came up with a solution that is working as of Oct 31st. Now my meals consist of breakfast (a protein, fruit or grain and vitamins), lunch & dinner (protein, fruit, veggie, and vitamins). They are now part of my menu. My meals are not complete with my vitamins. So when I pack meals daily meals I get my vitamins too.

 One last decision I have made during this time is that I am going to stop striving for a magical number on the scale and enjoy where I am today. I have a weight loss friend that I talk to via phone periodically. We have talked at lengths about this before, but I wasn't ready to hear it. We talked again last week and I told her everything that has been going on with me. Again we talked about my current size - smaller than I was in high school for one. Secondly, I am really happy with my size why not enjoy it. The advice to stop and enjoy where I am came from her. She suggested that I won't let myself be happy because I am continually stressing and striving to see a number on the scale that may not be meant for me. 170 is no longer my weight goal. For all the time I stopped exercising and not eating strictly lowcarb, my weight crept up and stayed within the range of 200-203. Over 2 weeks and my body stayed the same daily. It seems my body can maintain a certain weight without watching everything that I eat and without killing myself with exercise. Other than a day or two here and there, the only regular exercise I was getting was during my praise dance practices - every Monday and 1st & 3rd Saturdays between 1.5 to 2 hrs long. 203 is not the number I am willing to accept so I have to act like it. Now with exercise and eating properly, I am sure I can maintain a weight of 185 -maybe 180, but not 170. Physically I don't want to overdo it again and end up back in the hospital, but I can't completely stop either. There is a middle ground and that's where I started and it worked just fine for me. I don't need the Taebo workout or the stomach crunches to be physically fit. There are some parts of my body that will never be completely toned due to surgeries and I am okay with that.

 The New You knows how to deal with setbacks and get back on the wagon. And after all, there are no mistakes, just learning experiences. Weight loss is a process — it takes time. You will encounter small failures — everyone does — but every pound you gain can be lost.

I have read this quote from my last entry and it's true. The "new me" does know how to deal with setbacks. I think my problem is for a period of time the new me got lost for whatever reason. Today I am going to say the reason is not the important thing. The important thing is that I started over Tuesday October 31st and I intend to stay on track. Being disconnected from the internet has made me more dependent on God in my weight loss journey. I am still not able to get online as I once did. I miss my weight loss support friends, but I have to be able to do this without them. I only have access at work and I need to limit the time I am on the boards. Leading my Sunday school class on "Expressing Gratitude in Prayer" brought some things to my remembrance. I thank God for keeping me even when I seem to forget to take care of myself. I thank Him for brand new mercy everyday. I thank Him for my journal. I have read through it and taken my own advice. Someone asked me a question one day. What would you tell someone who has tried to lose weight before and failed? My answer:

  • Take it one day at a time and sometimes that means minute by minute hour by hour.
  • Don’t focus on past failures unless you can use what you have done wrong in the past as learning tools.
  • One slip, binge, unplanned meal shouldn’t ruin your day or journey. Deal with it and continue on.
  • Make this a lifestyle change.
  • One of Lean for Life’s main principles is “Eat Better, Move More and Stress Less”. Striving to do those daily will keep one on track to living a healthier life.
  • Pick a plan, whether it’s one you make on your own or a plan such as Lean for Life, and just do it.
  • Don’t forget the exercise. Find something you like. I am not an outdoors person and I am not a coordinated person. Walk Away the Pounds is perfect for me -easy to follow and effective.

 Great tips if I must say so myself so why don’t I continue to follow them. I do hope I can manage to continue to post weekly to this journal. It helps me with my focus. Isn’t it great that you don’t have to worry about yesterdays? They are gone to never return. A new day, a new beginning.

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Tuesday, October 3rd 2006

7:45 AM

Busy and Surviving

  • Mood:
  • Weight: 194
  • Pounds to Goal: 24

I have beento my desk lately. We have been doing regional meetings traveling throughout the state. After next week things should return to normal. Septmember was not a great month for me. I ended with 286 exercise minutes . I am working on getting my energy level back to normal. My number one priority is getting back on track with my vitamins. I either need to go back to my checklist or get me a pill box of some sort. Weightwise I am up to 194. Have been for two weeks now. I can't complain since planwise I am not being real strict right now. Keeping lowcarb, but not strict to Lean for Life. After I finish with the trainings, I am planning to get back in full gear. It's been hard to stay on track with conducting meetings and not having access to a refrigerator or not being in control of the food that's served.

I got this message in an email this morning and thought I would share. I believe in a new day, new beginnings, new mercy, new start. During these past few weeks I have said to myself that even though I am not losing weight I still have my new mindset. I am not in danger of the old me taking over. I have learned my lesson. As my pastor said Sunday, there is a purpose for hard times, trials and struggles. Learn your lesson the first time so that you don't have to repeat it.  

Getting Back on the Wagon


It happens — you miss a few workouts and you feel like your weight-loss plan is totally derailed. It's tempting to mentally slap yourself around, right? Before you start, I want you to remind yourself of something. Being hard on yourself is the Old You.

The New You knows how to deal with setbacks and get back on the wagon. And after all, there are no mistakes, just learning experiences. Weight loss is a process — it takes time. You will encounter small failures — everyone does — but every pound you gain can be lost.

And if you miss a workout, it's not the end of the world! Get to the gym the next day and continue to focus on your short-term goals. Just because you made bad choices today doesn't mean you can't start over tomorrow. New day? New beginning. And don't you forget it.

 

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