My decision to not "diet" or follow a particular plan is working for me. Watching what I eat, counting calories when I can, making better decisions daily and most important keeping my commitment to exercise is my new way of life. I believe I can live like this for the rest of my life. I am wearing clothes that I had to pack away. It's amazing that my body just wants to move. Well and for me to eat less. I found a site that I can track my calories. According to the site, my suggested caloric intake is 1900 calories no less than 1200. My daily average falls between 1250-1500.

The water aerobics/exercise is going great. I renewed my membership which means I am for another month at least. Paying for the month assures that I will go. I don't believe in wasting money. The aerobics classes are held Monday-Thursday. I go on Saturdays and do my own thing for at least an hour. Monday night the instructor is high energy and gives you a workout similar to the power aerobics out of the water. The other instructor who teaches the rest of the week pretty much plays in the water. I had to learn to intensify her workouts.

I had one moment of sadness. I went to the doctor and got on the scale. I told the nurse that I didn't want to see it. I wasn't ready. She placed the paper on the besk where we were sitting - in plain view. Not what I wanted to see, but hey I am on the right road. I am going to have the MRI to see exactly what is wrong with my knees. I am ready for them to stop hurting. The water exercise is helping but not correcting the problem.

Today I took myself to dinner. I ordered off the light menu at Dixie Cafe. Grilled cajun catfish, green beans, and a dinner salad. I asked for one roll instead of the basket that usually comes to the table. I also ordered a guilt free shake. From past experience, I knew that the serving size was more than I needed. Even though it's labeled guilt free, the serving size to me is not. I asked for the kid size which was 12 oz.

Day by day...step by step... I will make better choices for me and my life.

I bought a membership to the fitness center to show my commitment. I don't believe in wasting money so I thought this would be a good step forward. The water aerobics classes are Monday-Thursday. The instructor that had me hype was subbing and the regular one showed up on Wednesday. I felt like we were playing in the water. She even yawned at one point like she was bored.   Because of the other instructor I knew other movements to do. I semi-followed her and added more impact to the moves. I committed to at least four days. I didn't go on Thursday so I made the day up on Saturday.

I also decided to log all my food and that has made it easier to make better choices. I'm loaded up with yogurt and fruits for the week. I look forward to a good one.

Day by day...step by step... I will make better choices for me and my life.

Well my last entry was August of 2007. This morning I spent some time looking back over my blog entries and comments left by friends and people who just happened to find themselves in my blog. Some made me laugh, some made me cry but all and all I am hanging on to my newfound hope.

Early last year I injured my knee and couldn't afford the MRI even with insurance. I couldn't exercise and let myself get depressed about it. I say let myself because there were options and if anyone knows that self pity gets you nowhere - it's ME. So why did I do it. I don't know. I could offer a hoard of excuses and that's exactly what they would be EXCUSES!

So instead I say this. I am still floundering around with my eating. Still a semi vegetarian. I haven't given up dairy products, but by not eating chicken, beef, and pork my body digestive system is in a much better state. I won't go into details, but anyone who has ever been on a high protein/low carb knows that there a certain risk of your system not working quite right without some extra fiber.

The hope I speak of....for Lent my coworker wanted to give up sugar (yes I have been eating sugar. I have slid so far I often wondered if I would ever snap out of it this time). I thought okay. If I can do this, I get myself back on track (any track would do right now). So after doing well the first two weeks, I decided that I can do this. I have been making small changes. Stocking up and taking my lunch to work. Saves money as well as calories.....

and finally the HOPE that has me ... after not exercising and wanting to for some time now (conveniently now that my knee is injured I want to exercise) I have found my saving grace - water aerobics. Someone told me that a local fitness center had a walk in area. With my knees I knew I couldn't get in and out the normal way. Never thought to ask around. I went yesterday thinking I would just get in and walk up and down the pool, do a little jogging and whatever else I could think of. As I was getting in, I saw a lady placing water weights by the poolside and asked if they had water aerobics. The class was starting shortly and the rest is history as they say. I stayed, joined in and got a great workout. I am committing to 3 times a week.

In the past I beat myself up trying to find some elusive number on the scale. I had people telling me I looked fine and shouldn't lose anymore. I can't say what was my downfall, but I do remember being frustrated that the number on the scale would not go down and I began to feel like a failure. Can you believe that. I couldn't see past the number on the scale. Progress pictures staring me in the face and I couldn't see it. Well I am not going that route this time. Not saying I won't weigh, but it will not be my main focus in life.

Day by day, step by step.. I will make better choices for me and my life.

I am still among the living and still very much in the struggle. Many things have been going on in my life and I am striving hard to maintain it all. One of the biggest things I have going on right now is my decision to become a vegetarian and one day possibly a vegan. It's a far cry from the low-carb lifestyle I have been on. Eating meat with every meal and sometimes as a meal itself is what my plan has been. There are many sources of protein in the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle. I just need to acclimate myself to them. Milk has never been a favorite of mine – it never agreed with me. I have tried soy milk and I have heard that it’s an acquired taste. That’s definitely true and I don’t know if I can do it. Morning Star Meal Starters have been my number one source of protein so far and there are many things you can do with them. I am still in the research and experimenting stage. I have been experimenting with this for a couple of months. After the first couple of weeks I could definitely tell the difference in my digestive system. In January of 2006 when I found myself having complications from my past hernia and blockage surgeries, I realized I could no longer have protein days. Eating green veggies with the protein servings helped. Eating less meat made me realized maybe my system would prefer not to have it at all. So I am striving to eat none at all. If anyone has any advice, suggestions or comments on the vegetarian/vegan lifestyle, please feel free to contact me.

 I’ve been blessed to become a new homeowner. The home buying process was definitely a process and it took a toll on me. During the time I was looking for a home, my current landlord took the air units from the duplex I was living in. He said the unit was not in working order. Not sure if I believe that, but the point is during some of the most humid and hot days of the year my children and I were stuck living in a place with no air and no ventilation – most of the windows would not let up. Talk about hot. A fan in every room and it was like stirring hot air around. Needless to say exercise in the house was out of the question. I did some walking in the evenings with a friend, but not enough to make a difference.

Now that things have settled down and my life has a modicum of peace, I am ready to get back in the life and get to moving. My life has no routine these days and that’s where I am looking to begin. Get a routine/plan – for exercise and eating. I remember when I first started with exercise. I walked in place while I watched TV. Back then that was all I could do. Now even though I’m not as big as I was then that’s all the motivation I have right now. So if all I can make myself do is march in place then that’s where I will start.

I’m back and need all the support I can get.

I posted this entry on my 360 blog. Thought it would work here too.

Anonymous Groups

I am never giving up this time. I continue to think back from where I am, where I was and where I went wrong before. I see the old patterns, but I recognize them this time. Some days are better than other, but I am thankful for everyday. There was a Hallmark commercial on the radio this morning. It was advertising a new line of cards, Journeys - new cards with real words for real life. Now I sound like I am endorsing them. They were giving samples are the cards and one spoke to me. I can't remember the exact words, but it was something like - "today being a mountain that you are strong enough to climb or ready to climb". Anyway I remember looking at their site and reading this one"Don't give up...you're not alone. Don't stop believing...so many people care. Don't ever forget how strong you really are….how very precious you are to God." Those words are me for me as well as anyone else that stumbles here and reads those words.

I went to the store yesterday and passed over the the can of cashews on sale for $2. The next aisle had my sf ice cream on sale for $2 and I wanted to . I am working my way back to plan the first step is no more sf ice cream and cans of cashews. Once I get that stuff out of my system I will be ready to get back to LFL. 

You know the saying? You deserve a cookie for your accomplishments. Well I deserve a cookie or something. Right? I don't believe in the food rewards so give me a  .

 The other part of my step by step plan is to get my exercise in order. It's coming along. 4 days last week of various workouts and so far this week I am moving - 30 gazelle minutes last night and 15 this morning. I will continue to exercise morning or night as long as I get it done.

I am not posting weights right now. Not because I don't want to, but my scale has chosen to die on me. I just replaced the battery and it worked for a few weeks now it's not working again. At first I was freaking out - I thought I really need to see my weight in the mornings.  I've decided it's a good thing. When I first started I did not have a scale. This forces me not to focus so much on my weight, but on getting myself back in gear doing the right things. I'm trying to see the positive in my $50 scale dying on me after 2 years.

Many of my wl friends are struggling with the same thing that I am dealing with. Our drive is not as strong as it once was. I have been fighting that spirit of complacency for a long time. For me starting at over 363 lbs and hurting everyday, I had more motivation to lose the weight. I had to learn to stop beating myself up over my inability to have that drive I had then. Right now I am working on my new motivation. The new motivators I posted was a start, but I don't read over those daily and maybe I should. I have been thinking of printing them on a 4X6 card and framing them for my room and desk. I know personally what happens if I quit out right and go back to my old ways. Not an option. So everyday I look at my heavier pictures and remind myself of what I don’t want until I am firm in what I do want. For now it’s a matter of this  vs. that for me.

 My pastor keeps preaching on breakthrough and the messages have been for me. Strongholds are things that we are holding onto and not things that have a hold of us. Three simple words - LET IT GO! It's funny how I have become so determined not to eat sugar because I recognize that as a stronghold that I don't want in my life. Why can't I recognize and let go the other things that are hindering me? Like that spirit of complacency? That spirit of avoidance? The spirit of rationalization? I need to use the same mentality that I have so ingrained in my brain concerning sugar. It's a process and I will get there.